


but then if you're so smart, then tell me, why are you still so afraid?

by butmomilovemyboys



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Blood and Injury, Explosions, Gen, Hospitalization, Hurt Spencer Reid, Protective Aaron Hotchner, Spencer Reid Whump, Worried Derek Morgan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:54:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23897113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butmomilovemyboys/pseuds/butmomilovemyboys
Summary: But then, the world falls back into it’s full speed, and something--someone-- shoves him quite violently out of the door, where he practically flies down the diner steps into the waiting arms of his fellow team members.He’s not always a religious man. Sometimes the things they have seen makes him question his faith so strongly that he often finds himself wondering if there is anything up above at all. Or down below-- for that matter. However, this seemed to be one of those rare, pure times that he believed in something, because he was clearly not dead. Something had heard his pleas.All that faith drains out of him, though, as he realizes what that something was. Reid.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid & The BAU Team
Comments: 10
Kudos: 544





	but then if you're so smart, then tell me, why are you still so afraid?

**Author's Note:**

> reid: i am in very minor peril and i will be okay  
> hotch and the entire bau, armed to the teeth: don't talk to me or my son ever again 
> 
> anyway, i am father/son relationship starved as i have 0 new irondad content and spn is currently not airing so i've found comfort in criminal minds, specifically reid being in trouble and the entire team ready to save him. i want to say this takes place in early season 7 but i don't think it matters. enjoy!!

As the diner exploded, Hotch had one clear thought: that he  _ refused  _ to die. 

Jack already lost his mother, and he hasn’t survived this much just to die right in this moment. The heat rushed over him, the smoke filmed over his eyes, and the silhouette of the unsub with his finger on the button is cemented in his head. Everything started to move in slow motion. Surely, he thought, this is it. His prayers aren’t working. He can refuse and will to live all he wants, but it’s going to end up futile. He didn’t even say goodbye to Jack this morning. It was early, and his second-grader was still sleeping soundly. He gave him a kiss on the head before headed out. He had promised him they’d go out for pizza the next night. He promised to take him to see  _ Cars 2  _ this weekend. But that was Hotch, wasn’t it? Letting his last remaining family down. Again. 

But then, the world falls back into it’s full speed, and something--some _ one-- _ shoves him quite violently out of the door, where he practically flies down the diner steps into the waiting arms of his fellow team members. 

He’s not always a religious man. Sometimes the things they have seen makes him question his faith so strongly that he often finds himself wondering if there is anything up above at all. Or down below-- for that matter. However, this seemed to be one of those rare, pure times that he believed in something, because he was clearly not dead. Something had heard his pleas. 

All that faith drains out of him, though, as he realizes what that something was. Reid. 

_ (He wouldn’t have called it an “easy” case. A case where three women had gone missing in rural Maine could never be considered “easy.” The unsub, though, wasn’t hard to find. Reid had patched something together in a few hours, and that paired with Garica’s information they had gathered, they found the women underneath the diner up the road. The ladies sat in their respective ambulances now, being looked over and reunited with families.  _

_ There was no one in the diner. It had been abandoned for almost two years. So when Hotch let Reid run in with him, he didn’t think twice about it. No, it wasn’t an easy case. He just didn’t think that their unsub would be waiting for them. With a bomb strapped to his chest. Hotch could tell it was just powerful enough to destroy the man, but he could also tell it could hurt anyone in the diner. It didn’t need to go past that. The unsub had a new goal, and that was to die. And take the two FBI agents with him. ) _

Hotch scrambled to his feet when he realized what happened. His ears rang as his team--specifically, Morgan and Rossi--held him back. 

“Reid is still in there!” He explained loudly, as the ringing dissipated. 

Morgan stopped gripping so hard. “What? I thought he was back at the station?”

Hotch shook his head sharply. “No, no, we were but I told him to come with me.”

“The fire department is almost here,” Rossi told him, taking him by the arm and trying to lead him back towards the police officers. 

“That’s not good enough for me,” Hotch muttered, ripping himself from the other agents. 

“Hotch, wait!” Someone yells, but he’s already kicking down the door. By now, the fires still go strong, but it’s manageable. At least, that’s what he tells himself as he coughs into his sleeve, squinting through the smoke for any sign of the youngest agent. 

He always got a strange knot in his chest when Reid was in danger; everyone did. It was a protective instinct, he supposed. It wasn’t like Reid couldn’t care for himself. He definitely could, as ever since his father left, Hotch assumed Reid had to take his life into his own hands. But in a weird way, they all had watched the kid grow up. You don’t see very many 22 year olds join the FBI, and even then, you don’t see many stay. So as he made his way through the smoke and debris, he hoped that maybe that unseen force that had saved him the first time was in play again. 

He could hardly see anything. It was all very orange, and very hot. 

“Hotch,” a voice says. He turns to his left, and there’s Morgan, breathing through his shirt. “Hotch, we gotta get out of here.”

Hotch shakes his head as he kicks over burning chairs and tables. “He has to be close. I’m not leaving without him.”

“Hotch, we can find him, alright? But we’re no help to him now!” Morgan starts to pull him back out into the open. “The fire department almost is here--”

Morgan stops in his tracks when they both hit something. 

Hotch is already on his knees when he realizes it’s Reid. He grabs at his collar, only to see that the boy’s face was half covered in soot, while the other half was wet with blood. Where it was stemming from, he couldn’t tell. He looked up to Morgan through the haze, who mirrored his worried gaze. He bent down with Hotch, and without another thought, they were each grabbing an arm of the boy genius and lifting him up. Hotch couldn’t really see what the damage was inside of the building, but something told him by the way Reid was practically dead weight between him and Morgan, that it wasn’t good. His head lolled onto his chest, and his feet dragged behind him as they made their way back outside. Emily and Rossi were waiting for them, relief evident on their faces as all three exit. Hotch watched in terror as their faces turned from relief to horror, and the knot in his chest tightened as their eyes trailed up and down Reid’s body. 

“Jesus…” Rossi said, his voice quiet. They helped take him and lay him on the ground as Hotch hacked out dry coughs and fell to his knees, the smoke finally getting to him. He was going to need a real good shower after this, or he was going to be smelling like a chainsmoker for the rest of the week. Morgan was in a similar situation, but stopped coughing, almost comically, right in the middle of a fit. Hotch looked up sharply when he did this, only to find Morgan looking horrified down at Reid. He found the boy’s face, unmoving and still, and that worried him enough. But as his own eyes moved down, the knot not only tightened, but twisted and pulled as he saw the shape Reid was in. 

The sun was setting, but in the fading light, Hotch could see the blood covering most of his chest. Something sharp, something metallic, stuck out about half way from his chest. It looked like he had flown into something from behind, and it had impaled him through the back to the front. There wasn’t a way to touch him without getting blood on your hands, and Hotch realized this as he saw Reid’s blood covering a good part of him. 

“Oh my god,” Emily said. Her hands trailed over the piece of metal, but she made no move to touch it. She looked uncharacteristically frightened, but then again, if Hotch had to make a guess, he probably did too. “How...how did....?”

“He pushed me out,” Hotch responded, bitterly. “He pushed me out of the way.”

No one said anything, and if they were giving him looks, he wasn’t paying attention. All of his attention was on Reid, because if it wasn’t for the very light pulse he found, he would be certain he was dead. 

“Reid?” He watched as Morgan tapped the younger man’s cheek, only to get no response. “C’mon, wake up, kid.”

Reid didn’t wake up. He didn’t even move. In Hotch’s opinion, he looked like a corpse, and it almost made him want to throw up. 

“We need a medic here!” Rossi yelled over the roar of the crowd, waving down the paramedics as the fire department arrived. “There’s something stuck in him!”

Rossi’s voice must have been enough for Reid, because Hotch watched as the kid’s face slowly twitched and creased, until finally he opened his beady brown eyes. He stared up at Hotch with a confused look before opening his mouth. Reid supposedly didn’t notice the blood that dribbled out, but Hotch surely did. 

“Hotch?” He asked, sounding quite young for a 28 year old. “Hotch…”

“I’m here, Reid, right here,” Hotch assured, brushing back his blooded hair from his face. “Just stay awake, alright?” Hotch used a mix of his usual unit-chief voice with the voice reserved for Jack. Reid didn’t seem frightened or hurt, he just looked mostly confused. 

“Hotch…” Reid reached up with a blooded hand to his sleeve, gripping it lightly. “I don’t feel so good.”

“I know, Reid, I know.” Hotch kept his breathing even and steady, for the kid’s sake. “Keep talking to me.”

Reid winced and tried to keep his eyes open. “Mmm...what about?”

“I don’t care. Anything.” He wanted to keep Reid for noticing the literal shard of metal through his chest. Reid started to clumsily tell him about a book he read that morning, which Hotch responded to with nods and affirmations. He watched as Morgan got up and ran over across the parking lot, seemingly explaining the situation to the floods of paramedics exiting the ambulances. 

“Rossi, you and Prentiss head back down to the station, get everything sorted there,” Hotch directed, speaking calmly despite his rise in blood pressure. “Meet us at the hospital.”

“I’ll call JJ and Garcia on the way,” Pretiss decided. She stopped briefly before walking off with Rossi. “Take care of him, all right?” Hotch nodded.

Reid didn’t seem to know they left. He just kept staring at Hotch, not even noticing the way blood dripped out of his own mouth and onto the concrete below. “I pushed you out of the way.”

Hotch’s breath caught in his throat. “You did.” He tried wiping fresh blood away from his forehead, to no avail. It was coming too fast. “Why did you do that?” He couldn’t help but ask it. 

Reid’s face contorted from confused to relieved. “You would have died.”

Hotch doesn’t press him further. He could see the life draining out of him, and he was faced with the very real possibility that he was going to watch this kid die. 

“I’m tired, Hotch,” Reid said, his voice choking on a sob. “I’m so tired.”

Hotch swallowed. “You can’t sleep yet.”

“I’ll die if I do, won’t I?” Reid concluded, finally looking down at his mangalled chest. He didn’t say anything, but he shuddered violently and made a horribly aching noise. He gripped harder on Hotch’s sleeve, who gripped back just as hard to his arm. 

“It’s going to be alright,” Hotch assured. He tapped Reid’s cheek lightly. “You're doing great.”

“You’ve gotta tell my mom--” He choked on blood, coughing weakly. “There’s gonna be no one left for her--”

“You’ll be there, so stop talking like that.” Hotch ordered, hoping his leader-voice would get through to the boy. “The paramedics are here, okay? You’re going to be just fine.”

The paramedics crowded around them, with a worried Morgan hanging in the back. His arms were crossed across his chest defensively, until he heard his phone ring. “Penelope?” First name. “I know, baby girl, I know…” Hotch tuned out the rest of their conversation and returned his attention to Reid. 

The paramedics tried to push him away, but even as he complied, the young man’s bloody hand found his own. “Don’t.”

“They need space to help you,” Hotch told him, however much it broke his heart. “I’ll ride with you, okay? I’ll be there the whole time.”

“Don’t let them give me narcotics, Hotch,” Reid requested adamantly. “Please don’t let them.” 

Hotch understood immediately. “I won't, I promise.” 

Reid nodded a thank you as Hotch stood up, making his way towards Morgan. The sun had set by now, but in the artificial light from the flashlights and the emergency vehicles, he could see the way Reid’s blood covered his entire front. 

Morgan noticed as he hung up with Garcia. “Hotch.”

“I know.”

Morgan looked horrified at Reid. “He’s not even 30. He’s not even 30, Hotch.” 

Hotch didn’t respond that time. He couldn’t take his eyes off Reid’s. They were glazed over and spacey, as if he was seeing things that weren’t quite there. 

“We have to move him now, or we’ll lose him fast,” one paramedic directed, waving over a few hearty looking paramedics to lift. Hotch and Morgan watched in fear as they lowered down the gurney to Reid’s height and swiftly moved him, careful as to not move the metal. Reid made a gut-wrenching noise, a mix of both desperate and pained. Hotch could have swore he heard Morgan choke on a breath, but he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t done the same. 

“Agent Hotchner, are you coming?” The same paramedic asked, her voice strict. 

“Go with him, I’ll meet you guys there,” Morgan described, shooting one last glance to Reid before taking off towards the vans. Hotch knew why he did--it might be last time he saw Reid alive. 

Hotch hopped in next to Reid, careful as to not be in the way. Reid, on the verge of unconscious, absentmindedly grabbed back for his sleeve. “You’ll tell them. You’ll tell the team won’t you?” 

Hotch didn’t have to ask what he meant, but it didn't make it any less painful. “I will, Spencer. I’ll tell them.” He couldn’t remember ever calling him Spencer. Reid must have noticed as well, because his eyes went wide with surprise, only for a moment, before they rolled back into his head. 

That’s when Hotch heard the beeping. 

“We’re losing him!”

“Pressure’s dropping--”

“Step on it, or he’s a goner--”

All they were saying was lost on Hotch. All he could focus on was Reid. “C’mon, Reid. Just hold on.” 

He kept his grip on Spencer’s hand the whole way, thinking each minute was going to be the last one. 

~

By the time the team arrived, Hotch was sitting in the waiting room, still covered in blood. No one asked him questions, but he got strange looks from passerbyers. 

He heard the clicking of Garcia’s heels before anything else. “Hotch!”

He turned to see the entire team, weary and worried, making their way down the hallway. He stood to meet them, watching as their eyes focused on the blood.

“How is he?” Garcia asked, panic edging in her voice. “Is he okay?”

Hotch debated on whether or not to tell them. “We lost him on the way here--” JJ let out a gasp so sharp it kinda hurt Hotch’s ears, “--but they revived him. He’s in surgery now.” 

Emily gripped JJ’s shoulder. “Did they say anything else?”

“Only that he lost a lot of blood. Maybe too much.” He regretted saying it as soon as he did. Penelope fell back into Morgan’s arms, and Rossi found himself taking a slow seat on one of the hard plastic chairs. One by one, each of them found themselves taking a seat, aside from Hotch. He paced back and forth, wondering why Reid had pushed him in the first place. Heroism? Reflex? Adrenaline? He couldn’t tell. 

_ I’m tired, Hotch. I’m so tired.  _

He almost sounded like Jack as he had said that. He should call Jack. He needed him right now. 

“I’ll be right back,” he said. “Come get me if there’s any updates.” 

He got a few nods in response, but everyone seemed to be in their own heads. As he walked outside in the warm June air, he pulled out his phone and dialed his home phone, where he knew Jessica and Jack would be eating dinner. It rang twice before someone picked it up. 

“Daddy?” Jack answered, sounding a bit worried. 

Hotch embarrassingly felt tears prick his eyes. “Hi, bud.”

“What’s wrong?” Jack asked. He knew him too well. 

“Nothing, I’m okay, Jack,” he assured him. “I just wanted to hear your voice.”

“Oh.” He still sounded confused. “I don’t believe you.” 

Hotch chuckled at that. “You got me. I’m just having a bad day, that’s all.” 

“What happened, Daddy?” He asked sincerely, adding pride to Hotch’s heart. 

“A friend of mine got hurt today,” he explained. “Dr. Reid.”

“Is he okay now?” 

“We don’t really know yet,” Hotch said honestly. “But I think he will be.”

“I like Dr.Reid. He played superheroes with me,” Jack told him, and he could tell he was trying to cheer him up. It’s true, Reid had done that. Hotch had brought Jack in on one of their slower days, as he only had a half day. Unfortunately, he was cursed with a surprise meeting with Struass. Yet he watched from the corner of his eye though the window as Reid sat on the floor with Jack, swinging around some action figure in the air. He had forgotten about that. 

“I like Dr.Reid too,” said Hotch, nodding. “You should probably go eat, okay, Jack?”

“Okay, Dad.” Jack was in a phase of saying both Daddy and Dad, which only made Hotch realize how much his son had grown. “Will you be home tonight?”

“I hope so. I’ll keep you posted.”

“I love you.”

Hotch smiled. “Love you too, bud. Tell your aunt I say hi.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.” 

The line clicked off, and Hotch stuffed his phone back into his pocket. 

“Was that Jack?” Rossi’s voice startled him, but he made no notion. 

“Yeah,” he confirmed. “Just felt like one of those times I needed to call, you know?”

Rossi gave him a faint smile. “I know.”

They made their way back inside, where the team sat in wait. Morgan kept one hand on Garcia’s leg, who played with the buttons on her dress. JJ sat texting someone, probably Will, while bouncing her leg up and down swiftly. Emily paced in front of them, clearly something on her mind. 

Finally after what felt like centuries, the doctor stepped out. 

“Are you all for Dr. Reid?” He asked, looking down at his sheet. They nodded vigorously. He returned a simple nod. “He’s very lucky.”

“So he’ll be okay?” JJ asked, tears noticeable in her eyes. 

The doctor’s face didn’t give any information. “He’s going to be very sore, as per his no narcotics request--” The doctor gave Hotch a quick look, and Hotch stared him down right back. “--but he seems to be out of the woods.”

The room was filled with sighs of relief. Hotch himself couldn’t help but feel better. He’s seen some tough days, but this definitely one up there. 

“Can we see him?” Morgan asked, his voice still on edge. 

The doctor shrugged. “You could, I suppose. He’s sleeping now, but he might be around soon.” He tucked his clipboard under his arm. “Though I suggest that maybe you don’t all go in at once.”

“Why don’t you go ahead, Hotch,” Rossi suggested, motioning towards his room. “I’ll take the bunch for some dinner and we’ll come back after.”

Rossi knew. Rossi always knew. “You sure?”

The others seemed in agreement. Emily placed a hand on her stomach. “I don’t know about the rest of you, but I could use a burger.”

~

Reid’s room was very quiet, save for the even beeping of the machine he was hooked to. 

There were tight bandages wrapped around his chest, but although he looked pale and frail, he looked alive, and that was good enough for Hotch. 

He looked small on the bed, and impossibly young, but  _ alive.  _

Hotch watched him breath for a few minutes before he saw him slowly flutter his eyes open. 

“Reid?” He called softly, as not to scare him. 

It took the kid a second, but he finally saw Hotch, and showed a weary smile. “Hey.”

Hotch couldn’t help but give him a small smile back. “I told you everything would be okay.”

“I didn’t doubt you.” Reid shrugged, then winced. “That doesn’t feel awesome.”

“You did say no narcotics. That includes morphine,” Hotch said, teasingly. 

“Yeah, yeah. Better safe than sorry,” Reid griped. Hotch didn't need to ask what he meant, nor press him on it. 

Hotch swallowed stubborn pride. “Thank you.”

Reid gave him a puzzled look. “For what?”

“For pushing me out.”

“Oh,” Reid replied, his face going soft. “You would have done the same for me.”

“I appreciate it nonetheless,” Hotch said. “And be glad I do, because Morgan is  _ not  _ going to be happy with you.” 

“Please don’t let him eat my jello,” Reid jokes, but looking seriously for his jello. 

“I can’t stop him,” Hotch said, his voice flat. “You and I both know that.” 

They shared quiet, amused glances for a moment, before Reid winced again. “This is going to be a painful process, isn’t it?”

Hotch strugged. “Yeah, but you’ll have a cool scar when it’s over.”

Reid smiled one last time before seemingly falling back asleep. Hotch didn’t blame him. He wished he could sleep too. And shower. 

He walked himself back out the car, and for the first time for the first time all night, he exhaled the breath he had been holding all in night. 


End file.
